A closeup of a decaying wooden front door with an oval window overlaid with decorative black metal and bars. The door is chipped and worn.

Feature

Repairing a Damaged Home

August 22, 2023September 26, 2023 by Laura Grey No Comments

Some homes are full of things that are a bit wonky or dinged up. But though they may be broken or rough around the edges, they still matter to us. Just because something is cracked or damaged doesn’t mean it’s lost its value. We may still see the beauty in it even if it’s chipped or faded. Sometimes a thing has a wabi-sabi element to it—an imperfection that makes it feel more perfect to us. It can be hard to focus on repairing a damaged home when our hearts and eyes won’t let us acknowledge how damaged it really is.

Our possessions and our homes may be in pretty rough shape. We may not even notice because we like to think of things as they once were. Maybe we still view our surroundings as they used to be, even if others don’t. So we walk past something every day for years without noticing its deterioration. We ignore missing parts, work around broken bits, ignore flickering or burned-out bulbs. But what does a willingness to live in the midst of deterioration signal to outsiders? More importantly, what does it say to others who live with us, and to ourselves?

Below, we discuss reasons why a home may go into decline, and list a number of resources available to help you repair, maintain, or declutter your home.

When a Home Goes Downhill

*Sometimes we ignore decay and think of our homes as they used to be, and not as they are today | Ekaterina Astakhova for Pexels*

Perhaps your home is fairly orderly—a little faded, and a bit shabby in parts, but well kept. Your cats have shredded part of the sofa, but the cushions are fine. The furniture is a bit scratched up, but it’s sturdy. Your home is useful and comfortable, and the inhabitants get along, so you don’t really notice a bit of wear and tear here and there.

Let’s say your things are generally clean, clutter is manageable, and everyone navigates it safely. If that’s all true, and you can do what you need to do there, your home is probably safe and healthy. If it works for you and any other people who live there, does it matter what others think?

Decay & Damage Do Matter

Sometimes it can be hard for us to admit it, even to ourselves, when our homes no longer function well. That’s when we might need a wake-up call from someone else who notices the problem and brings it to our attention. Decay and damage do matter if important things are broken, the old workarounds don’t work anymore, or our belongings regularly get in the way. Our unwillingness to repair, replace, or let go of damaged, worn-out, or no longer useful things may get out of hand. That’s when we may need help with repairing a damaged home.

Even if our troubles don’t involve hoarding (which can be significantly helped by therapy), long-deferred maintenance can make a home feel broken and dirty. Worse, it can lead to unsafe conditions. Unsecured carpets curl up and trip you, pipes leak, a faulty heating system or fireplace that smokes may fill your home with dangerous carbon monoxide. Even overgrown plantings next to your home can be safety hazards, sending roots into your foundation, holding too much moisture next to your home, or creating fuel for fires.

Asking for help can feel like an admission of failure, instead of what it really is—a brave step toward making things better.

Even if a poorly maintained home isn’t dangerous, its poor condition can affect how it, and you, are viewed by others. More importantly, living in poor conditions can influence how you, your partner, your children, or others in the house see yourselves.

Feeling sad about your home’s condition may lead you to think that you’re unworthy of a nice home. Embarrassment can keep you or your children or partner from having loved ones over to share your space. These feelings can make you tune out warning signs about your safety. Shame and other negative thoughts about your home undermine you today, and they can cause even greater trouble years down the line. You deserve better.

Why Home Decay Gets Out of Hand

*Peeling lead paint, water damage to walls that causes mold, rickety banisters—these can put you and your household at risk of illness or accidents | Ekaterina Astakhova for Pexels*

If you’re living in a damaged or worn-out space, maybe it’s because you can’t afford to improve it. You might be unemployed, sick, too busy, or depressed. You might have a disability that makes cleaning or organizing very difficult. (Happily, some states have home care assistance programs that can help people with disabilities maintain their homes.) Sometimes we just can’t make the changes we want.

Feeling stuck can be disheartening. But being unable to maintain your home the way you want to doesn’t make you bad, wrong, or careless. It just means you could use some help.

We may choose not to make changes to our homes for other reasons. Often, we hold onto furnishings that don’t function as they once did. Maybe they’re comfortable, or they remind us of the past. Because of anxiety or fatigue, we might distract ourselves with activities that keep us from taking care of ourselves and our things. The idea of repairing a damaged home may be so overwhelming, we can’t face it. That’s human, and understandable. Done occasionally, it’s no big deal. But when lack of care becomes habitual, problems can compound. Sometimes they can undermine your home’s safety or value, or your own feelings about yourself.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

It’s common for people to be unwilling to let go of things, or to make changes or repairs that would help them live more safely and comfortably. This goes hand in hand with deferring the incremental improvements that prevent decay in the first place. Once we’ve let things go, we may feel overwhelmed or ashamed. Then it’s even harder to make changes.

It’s not unusual to fear change—even changes that others consider positive or essential to well-being. We may worry that if we change our surroundings or let go of belongings, we’ll lose our history, memories, or connections to the past. Happily, we can do a number of things to prepare ourselves or others for household changes. These can improve the process before, during, and afterward, and make any necessary changes easier to accept. To learn more about ways to deal with a fear of change, read my article Getting Past the Fear of Change.

Sometimes, we need to ask others to help us in organizing or repairing a damaged home. These might be friends or family members. Other times, we need help from professionals who can repair, sort, organize, or just cart away things that don’t work for us. Asking for help can feel like an admission of failure, instead of what it really is—a brave step toward making things better.

You Deserve a Safe, Comfortable Home

A woman in a white top and black pants sits on a sisal rug in front of a grey sofa topped with pillows. The room is all in neutral colors. The woman has a cup of coffee and some magazines, and is looking at her laptop. — *We all deserve to live in a clean, safe, relaxing space | Vlada Karpovich for Pexels*

Even if you have the resources to maintain your home nicely, you might just not feel like you’re worth the effort. You might treat yourself and your home as if you don’t warrant a cleaner, more functional, more appealing environment. But you deserve so much better than that. You deserve to feel good about your surroundings. You deserve to live in a safe, comfortable, happy home.

Maybe you figure good enough is good enough. You don’t need new dishes; your chipped, cracked, or c razed ones are fine, right? (Nope—cracks, crazing, and chips can harbor bacteria.) You’re used to the growing smell from the dry rot in the bathroom. No big deal. (Sorry, it actually is—dry rot is a health hazard that can make you sick and ruin your home’s structural integrity.) Caring about things like how things look or smell, or noticing when things are damaged or worn out—that’s just superficial, bougie, and unimportant, right?

Wrong. Ignoring your house’s upkeep may mean you’re ignoring your own needs as well. That’s not fair to you, or to others who live with you. It sends a message that beauty, maintaining what you have, and valuing your environment don’t matter. But we know that people do respond strongly to beauty in their homes. Mindful appreciation of pleasing surroundings inspires gratitude, lowers stress, and increases happiness. And you really do deserve a more beautiful, happier life.

Help Is on the Way

Making your home lovelier, more comfortable, and more practical doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. This site will help you with ideas, sources, tips, and tricks to make your home feel more welcoming, more comfortable, and more functional. And if you need more than that, many people and organizations can help you with organizing, updating, and repairing a damaged home. If you’re not comfortable asking family, friends, or neighbors for help, you might try one of the following resources.